| Monday, April 8th, 2002 |
| 9:50 pm |
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| Thursday, April 4th, 2002 |
| 10:15 pm |
Current Mood:  uncomfortableCurrent Music: Bad Religon/Sorrow |
| Tuesday, April 2nd, 2002 |
| 9:14 pm |
Form The Bottom Of The Heart
Sometimes I wonder how life would of been. there are a lot of items from the past that continue to drag me down to this day. If I would of strayed to the my parnets tried to direct me in, would I be better off? Or if I would of followed the guide that my teachers layed out for me, would I be a role model for others? There were so many oppurtunities that I could of chosen from if only I would of tooken advantage of them. I would have 2 have people all over my back of my actions. I would not have to prove to everyone else that I am not a faliure. I know that even though those doors of oppurtuniy r closed at the time I can always work my hardest to open those doors. And if I can do that people will see they r wrong and that they should not judge people for wut they have done in the past. I wish others grew up as I did. They would be able to see how it is to work for everything instead of gettin whatever they want. People would apperciate life more that way. Only if I had the power to sow people wut it is like to be me. then there would be no crtisim of us poor, deprived children. From The Heart, Carl Current Mood: gloomyCurrent Music: Alkaline Trio/Private Eye |
| Sunday, March 31st, 2002 |
| 7:03 pm |
A Chance to Start All Over
Well it is a new month and It is a new start for me. After spending the first two weeks of my freedom enjoying myself(even though I did take care of some important business in that time period)It's now time to go on with my life. Before I got locked up I did not care about what happened to me. I could of died in a ditch and it would not of bothered me. Now I have a chance to prove to everyone, that thought I would not amount to anything wrong. Maybe once I get all my shit straight I will be able to find a girl that shows some intrest in me. That would be a big plus for me. Most of u didn't know me before I got locked up. Which I guess is good. For those who did know me, you know how I use to be. I did not care about myself at all. I would go and get into alot of trouble with law. It is amazing that I am finally off probation after 4 long years. I do now see that if I would of listened to everyone that I would of probably been off a long time ago. Anyways, I must now go on with my life and leave all of the things in the past in the past. I cannot let them huant me. The only thing that I will not let go of is my personality. I will always think for myself. Not anything anyone says will ever make me change. Peace, Carl Current Mood:  refreshedCurrent Music: Bad Religon/Sorrow |
| Saturday, March 30th, 2002 |
| 9:44 pm |
It's Just Striking
I am at Batman and Robin's right now, and I could say that it feels so good to be sober. I really miss this feeling (Even though I know it will not last very long). I wonder why no one is hear yet? It is strange, because this time last week the house was packed. I wonder if anyone is coming over tonite. I would find it quite suprising if no one comes over tonite. It would be um... ...well suprising. There is alot on my mind tonite, and quite frankly I do not know where to start. So I am going to end this and wait a little bit before I write what I wanna say. Carl Also I am the number 1 GEEK!!!!!!! Current Mood:  geekyCurrent Music: sounds of a person with a new tongue ring |
| 12:51 am |
Drunken Happiness
I am here Batrman's and "Tony's" and i am really really messed up.I guess you could say that i am really really drunk!!!!!! Wow! There is this one thing, Oh my gosh there is the one person that is here,well not right hee right now, but I would really really like to get to know her. She is awsome. You know what? I did not think, I would ever meet anyone hanging around here. Wow1 Once again I cannot wait until I get to know this person more. I really think that this may be the person that i could get serious with. I dunno:( I hope so. That would be the best thing that would happen to me since Mari came into my life.(For those who know Mari you would know what i am talking about. You know how happy I was.) I remeber earlier saying that I did not want to get messed about today, but hell i could not resisted. I do think that if i have any chance with this certain someone that i probably need to slow down alot. But i do know that i would have no problem slowing down for her. It would be excellent. I wish she was right here right now. I would love to see her face. I know i am probably jabbering on but she blows my mind. This is probably the longest entry that i have written so far. All I have to saqy write now is that I hope she notices meand does not reject me. Carl Current Mood:  drunkCurrent Music: Alkaline Trio/ Private Eye |
| Friday, March 29th, 2002 |
| 5:10 pm |
NOTICE: This in NOT Anthony's LJ anymore. I am now Scrampster. Just so you know... I don't like "High School drama" so honestly I would like to stay out of it. So for now my LJ is Public... For now...---Anthony--- I know I come of like a dick... Sorry... |
| 11:59 am |
Another Day In a Boring Town!
Well I am alive, even though I feel like crap. After all of this drinking I have been doing I do not think that i want to see anymore alcohol for the next week or so. My stomach feels like it is turning into a big knot. I guess it is the lack of sleep I have been getting. It is weird how people actually enjoy themselves around here. The house parties are great and all, but there has to be more to do. The parting is not what everyone makes it to be. Sure it is fun at the time being, but during the week or even on a saturday afternoon it would be nice to do something besides preparing for saturday night. Maybe a picnic would be nice...... I doubt it though. For me i like to be sober once in a while. Doing something other than parting. Maybe I will go roller skating tomorrow. That would be strange and interesting to do. I have not went roller skating since I was a young lad. Well I must depart from this place. Carl Current Mood: optimisticCurrent Music: Bad Religon |
| 5:11 am |
WoW!!!
I am still at kevin's place and i figured something out tonite. Even though I am lonely and really wanting to meet that special someone, evrything has gone pretty good tonite. There is this certain someone that i would really love to get to know a hell of alot more. This person is so awsome. maybe i can get to know this person. Current Mood:  anxiousCurrent Music: Dan talking |
| 1:46 am |
All Alone
Right now i am at kevins house and i feel really really lonely. I guess i just want that someone special in my life. I see all these peole and they are so content with their mates and it really makes me sad to see others happy and not me! There have been a little bit of people that I have met but all of them seem to be takin. Also, I don't go anywhere to meet anyone so I cannot find someone. One of these days i suppose i will find someone but until then i must put up with the lonelyness in my life. Current Mood: lonelyCurrent Music: Bad Religon |
| Thursday, March 28th, 2002 |
| 10:41 pm |
Weird
I am at batmans right now and everything seems to be strange. This is the first time in almost two weeks that i am not seriously messed up. It seems like around here the parties never stop. I would have to say that this last week has been one of the best times I have evered had. I have met so many interesting people. Well I guess i am about to leave to go somewhere. "And the fun continues." |
| Wednesday, November 21st, 2001 |
| 4:49 pm |
Timing is everything...
It's been a while since I've updated... so where do I start... Ok... I did it... I got my tongue pierced... twice... one on each side... it's called a venom.... I love it... a couple weeks ago so it would have time to heal before Turkey Day. Then, two days before one of the biggest "stuff yourself till you explode" days of the year... I get tonsillitis... It's not fair... I'm starving but eating hurts soooo bad... I just wanna die! Ok... but enough about that... I still plan on moving out in Jan. we just need to come up with the money... The initial payments are the worst... and I don't think any of us have saved much... but we got another month... I plan on getting another job so it shouldn't be too difficult... Well I think I'm going to go lay down... Current Mood:  sick |
| Thursday, November 8th, 2001 |
| 11:43 am |
Being 18 sucks...
I was talking to Caryl Anne yesterday and I realized something... being 18 sucks... 18 is the transition between being a kid and being an adult... there are some many contradicting expectations, it is enough to drive you mad... Caryl Anne was talking to me about problems between her and her parents and I came to this... I don't think there is a single 18 yr old who isn't having problems with their parents... At 18 your parents expect 2 things of you... at the same time... 1. They expect you to fuck up... 2. They expect you to grow up... This isn't the easiest thing to do all at once... so naturally we are going to have problems with our parents.. until we get out on our own and stop "needing" them. Best friends... a word used way to much... I have very few best friends and of them they have all known me for over 10 yrs... But here is a quote one of my best friends, Jorel, gave me... I really like it... "Look to this day, For it is life, the very life of life. In its brief course lie all the verities and realities of your existence; the bliss of growth, the glory of action, the splendor of beauty. For yesterday is but a dream And tomorrow is only a vision, But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope. Look well, therefore to this day, such is the salutation of the dawn." -- The Sufi (1200 BC) Well I'm going... but just remember... "Put a smile on your face..." =) Current Mood: cheerfulCurrent Music: Kip jibber jabber... |
| Tuesday, November 6th, 2001 |
| 12:10 pm |
I can't say life hasn't been interesting... for the past few months all I have been doing is sorting out my life... Everything is coming together... In january I plan on getting an apt. with Caryl Anne and Batman... my dad wasn't very cool it at first... but after we talked and I explained that I do realize this isn't going to be easy and that I just think it will be good for me to learn how to live on my own (because I can't live with them FOREVER) I think he realized that this will be good for me... I plan on going to Unity Gain recording institute so I can learn to work with sound... I think it could lead me to a very enjoyable career... the money may not be the greatest at first but at least I will enjoy what I'm doing... That is something that is hard for my grandfather to understand because it seems like the only reason to him, for having a career or going to college for that matter, is to make lots of money... I'm not too sure about how the band is doing because is recent days we seem to be falling apart... not musically but as a band... I agree with tony in that you need to be friends playing music together not bandmates... otherwise who cares if you make it "big" cause you can't really enjoy it... if you're not friends, how are you going to enjoy being on a long tour... All and all the band has about eight different opinions and there never seems to be much for compromise... and I'm not sure where things will go next... I think I'll no more Wednesday... if people show up for practice... People... what else can I say... I've been meeting a lot of new people... all have their positives and their negatives.. but I'm happy to be getting to know new people... I'm trying not to get into a clique, for the same reason I don't want a girlfriend right now, because I don't like "committment"... I like to move around... keep things "fresh"... Well I'm going to be going now... Marcie just paged me and I think she needs a ride to the cast lunch... but I'll leave you with this... (Caryl Anne will get this...) *** Be Positive*** Current Mood:  contentCurrent Music: The silence of a library at ECC |
| Tuesday, October 30th, 2001 |
| 6:59 am |
Good Morning...
I just got home from work not too long ago... I decided not to go to the gym this morning cause I need to wait for my mom to get up so I can borrow money... I'm broke and I have no gas... bad combo! It's been interesting lately... I don't what happened at the show Sat night but I do know that we could have done A LOT better! Well, I think that the band needs to work on some things dealing with sound balancing... the mic's never seem to be loud enough and it is hard for the horns to hear themselves sometimes (especially when they are in front of a huge guitar amp) etc etc etc. Maybe we need monitors? The worst things was the smoke machines we bought... everytime the smoke got near the trombones it sounded like you stuffed socks in the bell... I don't get it... But anyway, after that I meet Caryl Anne, Kip, Batman, Scott, and Matt at my house and we watched Cannibal the Musical... fun fun... I love that movie... I'm really glad that I am getting to hang out all these people... Caryl Anne and Kip are awesome... we have so much fun... "I said I couldn't hear ya!" hehe... and I have notice lately that me, Scott, Matt, and Batman haven't hung out lately... I'm very glad they came over... I'm a lot happier now... I'm still attending college... why? Who knows... I like to stop going but I don't want to listen to my parents bitch... I am soooo done with it though... I just want to do that recording school. I just have tried not to stress about things too much... I know that soon I will be dealing with less BS... I think this is what I need... a less demanding schedule... Before... I thought I needed a busy one... now I think I need to relax... give myself time to have new experiences... Speaking of new experiences... I spent all Friday running my friend Marcie around trying to bail her boyfriend out of jail... He was arrested for driving on a suspended driver's license... even though he paid for all that and has the receipts for it... Bail bonds are complicated... I hope I never have to deal with anything like that again... Wednesday I'm going to hang out with Dan and Melissa... I haven't seen them in like 2 weeks... they're really good friends... I would do anything for them... (As I would for any of my good friends... you know who you are...) I'm happy we get to hang out cause I was worried that I wouldn't get to see them anymore... even though it's not to far away... it can still change things... BTW... Circle K sucks... I think I'm going to go back to LoneStar... but not til after I get my tongue pierced and it heals... That's the only cool thing about Circle K... they don't mind piercings... All in all... life is good... it's going to work out in a couple months... the only thing I worry about is that there are some many things I want to do and I don't want to overload myself... again... the next few months will be a huge transition for me... sooooo... *crosses fingers* Current Mood: optimisticCurrent Music: With Me by Beauty's Confusion |
| Thursday, October 25th, 2001 |
| 4:03 am |
Chad Brock... YES! (If you get this... you're... uh... "special")
Ok.... so to start out... I would like to announce.... the show at breaker's has been MOVED! Same date... OCT. 27th 2001
New Place... IFB/Sanctuary Skatepark
Time: 7pm-10pm
Details: A Halloween Costume Bash (come dressed up)
Bands: Bad Apple-- Said Bert-- A Bomb-- The Anchorite Four-- Bazooka Joe
Cost: $5?(not too sure)Come out and have fun! Ok... enough "business"... I have recently been meeting a lot of new people... Their all really cool... And I have learned that sometimes I "read a book by the cover"... I just recently met someone that at first I didn't think I'd get along with too well but after we hung out this weekend we have been hanging out a lot more... He's actually really cool and close to the opposite of what I expected... I realized that sometimes I will shy away from people because of my "at first sight" impression and I'm very glad that I getting to know all these new cool people... On the other side of things... my mother and I got into it this morning about some decisions I have made...(See last entry) It kind of pissed me off because she doesn't think that I have thought about any of this enough... but when it comes down to it... that is all I have thought about for that last 2 months and I have been miserable... I don't want to be that way for 4 years!!! Sooo... no matter what... those decisions stick... I will be happier that way... and I can see things working out... On a sadder note... I have a couple friends which I love greatly... and every morning I would go to the gym with them... I don't get to see them that often so I kinda used the gym as "bonding time" with them... I really respect their opinions and in a lot of ways they have helped me... they may not know it but they have... and I hope to return the favors... but... they are now moving to Ft. Myers Beach and will no longer be attending the gym... That sucks... a lot... It's not the end of the world I know... and I will still see them... when we get the time... but it just kinda feels like I'm losing something... I can't describe it but I am... Blah... Ok... I've got that out... so back to happy... Everyday I learn more and more about myself and the world around me... I think that "stability" is in my future... so for now I can rest easy... I know I am still going to be running around like a chicken with my head cut off but now I "play the cards anyway they land" (Sorry about all the metaphors tonight) and that makes me feel better about life in general... ***Be Positive!*** Well it's time for me to say good night... "Good Night!" I hope to see everyone at the show! Current Mood: cheerfulCurrent Music: The Ataris - My So Called Life |
| Monday, October 22nd, 2001 |
| 5:23 am |
I made some decisions...
I have decided that college is just not for me... I am kinda sick of doing things for other people when I don't really want to do it... I thought about why I was going and that only reason I could come up with was because I don't want to disappoint my family... well screw that! It's my life and I'm going to do what I think I should do... My parents weren't too happy about me wanting to drop out but they'll deal with it... as long as they keep getting my payments... Don't get me wrong... I DO realize that I need to get some sort of education.. but it doesn't have to be a college one... I have decided to attend a "vocational" school for recording engineering... Honestly... I think it is a good program and I think I can learn a lot from it... I'm in a better mood now cause I know that things are beginning to really work out this time... I will soon have a manageable schedule... Yea! =) Current Mood: good |
| Monday, October 15th, 2001 |
| 6:12 pm |
"Downfall"
Frustration only fueled by confusion, Drills my mind in infinite repetition. Predictable cycle of thoughts and emotions, Slap me in the face, as if the first time, everytime. Why? I ask, why... why do I ask why? I have no answers... Easily avoided, this cycle, or so it seems, Yet, I question my reason, my ability, my being... I have no answers... I accept this... for no other reason than to cope. No answers... I just cope... cope with frustration... Cope with confusion... cope with emotions... I guess that is the answer... But... Why? |
| Wednesday, October 10th, 2001 |
| 11:27 pm |
more hope...
I've been up since 10:30 pm yesterday, so I'm a bit tired but I just needed to write down my current thoughts... I feel soooo much better now. Life is not "problem-free" but with some good conversation and advice from some good friends I think I'll be able to get through this. I hope this isn't a temporary fix... it sure doesn't feel like it... Thanks so much, you know who you are, who have helped me figure stuff out... Current Mood:  tired |
| Tuesday, October 9th, 2001 |
| 4:46 pm |
Blah...
Ok... so my plans are falling apart.... things aren't going to work out the way I thought... but I'm not going to let it get me too down... It'll work out... BTW.... Aubry.... I love you... thanks a bunch for all the copies you made! AND... if anyone would like to visit me at work between 11pm and 5 am at Circle K... please FEEL FREE! I have to talk to this old guy all night who babbles on about the old days for 6 hours! Well I have to work tonight so I'm going to bed now! Current Mood:  blah |
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